Friday, February 12, 2016

If you are friends with me on Facebook, you may have seen this post that I made back in January.

A couple of weeks ago, I was reading She Reads Truth (if you don't know what that is you should look it up...guys, there is one for you too) and something about the devotional really grabbed my attention. Debbie Eaton said, "Leaving what is known for the unknown of new beginnings takes enormous inner strength and courage."
Hmmmm... She continued by saying, "What I’ve learned over the years is that God rarely calls us to comfort and convenience but instead to a life of faith and trust." Today is my last day at the bank, a place that I have spent majority of my time for the last 3 years, a place where I have made friends, developed new skills, and learned a lot about myself and my abilities. Leaving has been a scary decision, but the opportunity and possibility that comes with this change is incredible. Getting to spend more time with my son is something that I have dreamed of! It seems silly, why am I so anxious? Well, the bank is safe and I know what to expect. This new job feels like a risk, but I am willing to follow Jesus where ever he may lead me. Today is going to be a day of tears and hugs, and the next several weeks...months even, is just going to be filled with prayer, and faith. I am excited to see what the Lord has in store, and what he is going to do with this new opportunity.

Taking a leap of faith, and doing what you think the Lord is calling you to do is not always easy. I wish that I could say with absolute certainty that I know when I am following His direction, but I question myself often. I have made bad decisions before, (Or at least I thought they were bad decisions at the time.) I have acted out quickly and followed my heart only to be hurt. Honestly, the decision to change careers was one of the hardest decisions I have made in a long time. I loved my friends at the bank and I enjoyed my job, but the opportunity that presented itself was something that seemed perfect. I wanted so badly to spend more time at home with Rowan, and this change was going to give me the opportunity to do just that. However, there were a lot of things I was uncertain about. Would I be able to do well at this job? Would the job have the security that I needed? They were questions that were constantly on my mind, but in the end I was sure that is where God was calling me to go.

Fast forward 36 hours…

wow...this has been quite a day. i have never pretended to know the plan the Lord has for my life, that would be way too easy. i am more certain than ever that His plan must be crazy and awesome, because everything I thought I knew is out the window...and I am left with friends, family, and faith that it is all going to work out. #bringonHisplan #takemedeeper #vrsly #madewithvrsly @vrsly

The job that I thought was the perfect, dream job was no more. The job that I was sure the Lord was leading me to…gone. When something like that happens, you really question your judgment. I told myself that it was going to be difficult to follow my heart again. I told myself that I was a terrible judge of character, and that I had no idea how to listen to what God was telling me. I had made what I thought was the biggest mistake, and now the only thing there was to do was to ask for my old job back. I questioned my decisions for days, and I cried for days.

I was crushed, I was embarrassed, I was angry, but most of all I was humbled. I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I knew exactly what was supposed to happen. I imagined myself in that position, I imagined myself spending that extra time with Rowan, and then everything that I had imagined just vanished. I was lucky enough to be welcomed back to work with open arms, (My bosses and coworkers are awesome!) but coming back to work was not very easy. I had to explain why my plans had failed, and why I was no longer leaving.

Anyway, this post is getting rambley in a hurry. It is hard for me to sit here and tell you all about this situation, because there are still days that I break down thinking about all of the “what ifs.” However, I have learned something very valuable from the experience. I know that God was part of that every step of the way. I had prayed endlessly about it, and I am sure that I was following His direction. Yes, at first I felt ashamed, like I had misread everything and at the last minute God swooped in and said “Whoa, this is not what I wanted you to do!” Sometimes, God leads you to a place, not because it is the place for you, but because he wants to see if you will follow him. I wavered on my decision constantly. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but in the end I did what I thought the Lord wanted me to do. That decision gave me confidence, strengthened relationships, and I am sure prepared me for something bigger. I don’t have a clue what God is going to call me to do next, but I know that I am ready to follow Him where ever He will lead me.

Don’t be afraid to follow your heart, and don’t be afraid to take a leap of faith every once in a while. It will always be scary…and even when you fall, there is something to gain.

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